we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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