3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
