I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
