Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize