When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
