i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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