thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
