areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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