Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
