Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
