Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
