No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We have started to decorate penises.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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