remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bang-toberfest begins!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
