My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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