I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
