What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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