ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
