So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
