Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
