two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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