my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
