I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
