i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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