You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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