my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
