The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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