Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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