it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
