Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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