you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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