Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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