I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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