I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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