Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
