My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
