I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
