My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
