Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
