After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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