I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
