I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
