i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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