I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
