Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
