For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize