how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize