but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
