are you still at the devil's house?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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