she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize