Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
