Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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