IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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