i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
