I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
