OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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