1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
