found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
