he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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