Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
