I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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