no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
