Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize