Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
