Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
