I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
