my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
