I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
