He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
